Hi

I didn’t exactly know how to start this, my mind has been spinning ’round in circles debating whether I should even write anymore. I’ve been neglecting this blog for so long I feel like I forgot how it felt to even write anymore, you know its not considered ‘cool’ to blog, Youtube is the new in thing now. Anyway, that’s not why I’m here.

Lately I’ve been feeling like i’m holding my breath, stuck in this realm of in-between where nothing happens but life goes on, where i’m physically present but my mind is thinking of the hundred and one reasons people die or why the continents split apart after the big bang. I’ve been trying so hard to be this person that people like I forgot how it felt to be myself….. maybe I’ve forgotten who that is.

I met this person that told me everything I wanted to hear, all the sweet things I wanted to believe. ( they even read this blog, crazy )It was a movie and for the first time in a long time I was entirely myself, it was a short movie though ( sorry to get your hopes up) it ended and that was fine. I wasn’t sad, in all honesty I was genuinely concerned, but I’ve veered off topic here. It was like everybody around me was falling in love and I hated it, I just wanted to go home you know sit and watch some Netflix and forget people exist for a bit. But then I realized how good it is to take time off, to relax, to clear your mind, to take time for your own mental growth and maintenance. Its a good feeling if i’m being honest, I’ve really let myself go and currently I have no idea who I am, so i’m going to continue writing because I like doing it ( maybe one day i’ll even write a book haha) But anyway for those who’ve read this, thanks for reading I appreciate you taking time to listen to my thoughts. For those who haven’t, well I guess you won’t see this and that’s okay.

But for now, It’s been nice

Lisa.

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If I ever decide to write a poem

I write poetry…

actually that’s an over statement

I write three lines that rhyme and the rest are my thoughts falling on the page trying to fit into place, fighting to all come out at once. I don’t really write poetry I write my mind . Endlessly filling the pages with unfinished sentences and statements

I write stories. Stories of people I’ve met and the places I’ve been. I write imperfectly , never ending, intricate with the great explicitness of a narration , I can’t tell you how these stories end because I part ways with the people and places. But a new story begins and it starts with you…

You write poetry, not the ones that rhyme and not the ones on paper. You write them in the way your voice caress’ my ears, you write them in your touch and the way you care. You write them when you walk, I read them in the lines on your hands and see them in your face as you smile and I am fascinated, infatuated by the way YOU write your poetry

So if I ever decide to write poetry it will be in the way my hair falls on my shoulders and the way my pen touches the paper when I draw. It will be in the tapping of my feet to the music filling my ears playing on full volume. If i ever decide to write poetry it will be in the way my hand fits perfectly in yours, the way my heart beats rhythmically when I’m with you and the way my eyes slowly close when you make me smile.

Ps. This is not a poem

love,

Lisa

A letter to myself

Live in the moment and stop being so fucking sad.

There’s a lot you don’t know, and there’s a lot you haven’t experienced yet. You’re wrong sometimes and there are things you don’t fully understand

but that’s okay

work everyday to become better than before

try your best to make connections, friendships and relationships with people you never thought you’d meet

experience new things, and if life begins to seem stagnant, look around and see what it has to offer, appreciate it

take a break, life isn’t all about working, don’t stress

think back on the memories that held the most joy, remember the nights that felt the most alive

the meaning of life is what you create by yourself, it cannot be determined by someone else

so spend your time with the people who mean well, who give you joy and who matter to you

make memories with those you love the most

do things that mean something.

don’t grow up too fast, most kids want to be adults and adults want to be kids again

take full advantage of where you are right now

you are still growing, there is still time

the world will try to beat you down but keep your head high and remember that life is what you make of it

and most of all remember to smile, to be happy

the world doesn’t die when you do, it was here before you and it will remain after you

you are exactly where you need to be

care for yourself, care for others but do not compare yourself, because a life lived in comparison is a life not lived well

so live fully and give them a show, make them remember who you are.

~Lisa

 

Be Aware

I don’t know how to put this. Recently there’s been so much loss and it been too hard to bear. ‘he hang himself’ , ‘she cuts herself’ truly its so sad to hear. We live obliviously to struggles of others
We surround ourselves with people we call our friends, but are they happy? Do you know their story?
There’s always that girl that sits in her room crying but when you see her all she does is smile.
There’s that boy who’s good at everything but he’s so broken inside.
There’s the pretty girl with many friends but which ones are actually real?
I don’t know what has happened to the world, it seems so complicated
Everyone’s become so good at hiding how they really feel. Sometimes I really hate it. We keep so much inside it’s bound to overflow.
You’d never know miss popular cries herself to sleep or Mr nice doesn’t know how happy feels
When you ask, they say they’re fine and you agree and move on.
We never really know until it’s too late and they’re gone
Then we go online to twitter and instagram
we post ” I love you Brother, I wish we had more time”
but then you realize there were so many signs, sometimes we take this life for granted
we never realize how much we have to lose until we lose it.
So this is to all my brothers and sisters suffering in silence
The ones who think they are alone and have no one to confide in
we’re here for you whoever you are and whatever you are going through
please talk to some one and maybe … just maybe they can help you. ❤

 

 

I think I think too much …

“I think a lot but I don’t talk much” – Anne Frank

Dear brain, stop thinking too much, stop jumping to conclusions, stop running around. I get lost in my thoughts and I can’t even speak. I can’t put words together to even express my thoughts. But you see that’s problem, I think too much and feel too deeply. It’s a dangerous pair. There’s so many problems that come from overthinking that can be avoided. I don’t think too much when I’m writing, I’m aware and I’m present. But that’s me, I can’t change.

The ink and the paper become one, my hand and the letters on the keyboard move in sync. The world is too loud but it’s suddenly quiet when I write.

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The Girl

There once was a girl who liked a girl so much that she fell in love,

She was lost
confused
and alone
didn’t know who to trust,

If she told
they’d call her freak
she’d be an outcast,

All she wanted was to live and love just like the rest of us.

“The heart wants what it wants” – Woody Allen

Different – A poem

I never belonged
i wasn’t a part
I was just different
right from the start.

I had big brown eyes
untameable hair
I had chocolate skin
that was blemished not fair.

I couldn’t sing
wasn’t part of a team
I sat and read books away from the scene.

I wrote little poems
stories and letters
I wrote about love I’d never had
wrote about feelings I’d never felt.

I was mostly unnoticed, I liked it that way
Away from the drama and dissaray
I sheltered myself within my mind
surrounded by thoughts that kept me alive.

I never belonged
i wasn’t a part
but that wasn’t so bad
because I was content at heart.

– Friendly Neighborhood writer